I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
