He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
