just tell him i said nine months
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Less talking, more tequila
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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