it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
