help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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