He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
