I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
