Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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