Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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