Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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