dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
