Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
