So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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