i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize