just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
