I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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