shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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