Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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