i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize