Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
