Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
