I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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