We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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