You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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