the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Someone shit on the floor
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
