So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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