the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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