I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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