Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
