Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
