You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize