the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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