R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There r osticjed everywhere
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
