There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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