go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
