Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
