What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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