I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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