anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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