You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
