i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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