Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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