i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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