Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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