Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
