You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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