Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
