I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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