this beer tastes like vomit already
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The best revenge is premature balding
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
