Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize