do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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