Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
