Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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