spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
