I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
