dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
