WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
