My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
