2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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