wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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