To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
