you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
