Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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