no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
