Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
