Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
