How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
