All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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