Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
