so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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